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I am not your superwoman!

As black women in America, why do we find it difficult to take care of ourselves? Why is it that we have to work twice as hard as the next person? For years we have been taught to put everyone ahead of ourselves.  And don't let us have children and possibly be a single parent. Those kids will come before ourselves in an attempt to make sure they've got what they need. Oftentimes we have little time for self-care and/or reflection because we are constantly in a state of making sure everyone else is operating at peak performance. It also boils down to our history when we, as black women, not only had to care for our families but needed to make our slave masters' families a priority. We had to be superwomen in every area of our lives.


People are constantly reminding me of how strong I am and how I am able to hold everything together.  I feel as if I am expected to be strong in every area of my life. There isn't time for me to show any weakness because if I do, something will go wrong. Not knowing that me being strong all the time is not healthy for my family.  If they have never seen me break down or cry, they will always see me as a superwoman, which I am not.  Even now, my kids will remind me to sit my butt down.  And I do, sometimes. (Insert laughing emoji)


I remember a time when I crossed a boundary with a friend, and it messed up our friendship.  Both of us were in vulnerable states and not thinking with our full minds.  When you aren't thinking clearly you are liable to make decisions that may have a negative effect or outcome. Our friendship was never the same after that.  I was having a hard time dealing with it and broke down and literally lashed out at my son.  It wasn't a good scene; you can only imagine what it entailed.  If you want to know more, I implore you to pick up a copy of my book, Identity Cry-Sis, and I guarantee you will be blessed.  The point of me bringing that scene up was, my kids rarely saw me breakdown.  While I was raising them, I worked 2-3 jobs, was involved in their sports, and also served in ministry.  Where was there time for me to have a moment to myself, let alone have a complete meltdown?  It’s safe to say that at that time I was operating under exhaustion 24/7.


I just want to take a moment and remind you to take care of yourselves.  If you don't, you won't be around for very long because your body will shut down on you.  And when was the last time you really listened to your body? Paid attention to what it was telling you. The other day I was at our sister circle for our Black Girls Matter Mentorship program where I am a volunteer mentor with an organization named Young Women Empowered aka Y-WE. We were in the middle of meditation when the facilitator, Ms. Nakeema, instructed us to listen to our bodies as she gave us certain scenarios we were to pay attention to how our body reacted when the answer was either a yes or no.  That was the first time I had ever heard of that exercise, and it spoke volumes to what I've experienced in the past and didn't realize because I wasn't aware of what was happening.  I noticed in that exercise that when my gut is telling me no my chest hurts and that is a sure sign that I need to back away or not engage.  Isn't that amazing? If we take the time to really get in tune with our bodies, we can steer clear of some sticky situations and circumstances we find ourselves in. 


I want to leave you with some ways to exercise self-care. We are human and need time to recuperate and rejuvenate our minds, bodies, spirits, and souls. 


1.      Meditate. I am still working on this one as I feel like my mind is always thinking of my next move, or how I will take care of this or that.  It takes constant effort to keep my mind in perfect peace and solely on what's in front of me. 

2.      Setting healthy boundaries.  No, is a complete sentence and you should know when it is appropriate to use.  It’s okay to say Yes to yourself. 

3.      Spending time in nature. This is a good one. But for those of us who live in the Pacific Northwest, our days are very rainy and gloomy so when we do have a nice day, I make sure I go outside and get some sun.

4.      Read a book.  Did you know that reading is food for your brain?  Have you ever heard the saying that if you don't use it, you lose it? Make sure you are exercising your mind daily with some sort of information.

5.      Stay hydrated. Make sure you are getting your daily dose of liquids.  From what I understand, you should weigh your water. That means, drink half your weight in water/liquids. 


There are so many more ideas that I could list here, but I didn't want to bombard you with ways to take care of you.  The bible says in Psalms 90:10 that the length of our days is seventy years or eighty if we have the strength.  Don't you want to live a long, healthy, and prosperous life?  I know I do.  Make sure you are putting yourself first and listening to your whole body.  You matter to this world, and you should matter to you!

Sending you love, light and positive vibes,

Cassie K.

"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"

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09 may

Love love Cassandra karch "identity cry-sis book

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