I got a call from a friend recently who apologized to me for going missing in action. We used to talk quite frequently but for some reason they decided to just disappear. Not answer my text messages, return my phone calls, or respond to my emails, they were just gone. As we were speaking, and they were telling me their feelings, I was quiet. I was processing everything I was hearing in that moment. This wasn’t the first time this has happened, but it is the first time I didn’t personalize it and I am hopeful that this will be the last. If there is another time when they need to dip out, just communicate to me they are taking a break and that way I am not left wondering.
In the past I would’ve taken it personally as to why they stopped communicating with me. I would have tried to trace my steps, review my actions and my words in order to pinpoint the exact moment I thought the disconnect may have happened. I would have blamed myself, asking questions in my mind and wondering what in the world I did to deserve the silent treatment. The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that LOVE is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. People will be people and sometimes they go through things, it’s up to us to extend some grace especially when its someone we love. We must realize that we are all human and not one of us are perfect. Extending each other grace is beautiful.
I have grown a lot over the years, and I understand that life gets in the way for all of us. It’s nothing that I did or didn’t do. It was something they needed to work through. They were in their head and didn’t know how to communicate how they were feeling and to make it easier, they just decided to disconnect. I appreciate them for reaching out all these months later and communicating that to me.
In my opinion I believe that if we are going through something and find ourselves in a space that we can’t show up to we should communicate that. It can feel hurtful when we have to assume what may or may not be happening. I should be able to say to any one of my closest friends that I will be taking a break and as soon as I am able, I will reach out. I don’t need to explain anything further. Do you feel I am being unreasonable in my approach? Some may say yes. Ask yourself, how would you handle being the person who was on the receiving end of someone ghosting you? Would it matter or not?
Catherine Pulsifer once said that “communication is one of the most important skills you will require for a successful life.” When we communicate effectively, that is listening and understanding, I feel it will make for better relationships and will take away a lot of the anguish we tend to go through in seasons of silence.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
“Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally.”