Your actions speak louder than your words. We have all heard this phrase over and over again, right? Don’t just tell me, SHOW ME! How many times has someone told you they were going to do something and repeatedly this same person falls short every time. After a while you don’t believe them anymore, you just sit back and wait to see if they deliver. But for this sake of this post, I am speaking about a different type of action.
Recently I was talking to a coworker of mine, Felicia, who found herself in a bit of predicament. Now if you hear her tell it, she means what she says. But what if what she is saying is not lining up with what she is doing. She has this friend, Barbara, with whom she has been friends with for over 10 years. They consider each other best friends. They talk about everything and everyone under the sun. They spend as much time as their schedules will allow. About a year ago they crossed the line and became intimate. Now I say cross the line because I know what that can do to a friendship. I used to have a really good friend, with whom we crossed the line, and it messed up everything. You can pick up a copy of my book Identity-Cry- Sis to find out more. Now back to my coworker Felicia. She and Barbara were intimate, not once but a few times and Felicia keeps reminding Barbara that they are just friends. Felicia doesn’t understand why she is not listening to her when she tells her that they are just friends. Her words should mean something, right? Barbara on the other hand, has caught feelings for Felicia and is now putting herself in an automatic relationship. (As a lot of women do). Now she didn’t tell Felicia this, she just behaving like an angry, jealous, and insecure girlfriend. Wanting to know where she is and who she is with. When will they be together again. It’s no longer about them being friends, but more than friends.
Last week Felicia asked me what I thought and, in my opinion, once sex was introduced, that friendship went right out the window. As soon as they decided to become intimate the dynamic of the relationship changed. Especially when both parties are not on the same page. It’s obvious that Barbara wants more than a friendship and because Felicia doesn’t feel the same way, she has to make a tough decision. I don’t know if this friendship can be saved. She may be telling Barbara they are just friends, but when they are intimate Barbara is falling for her more and more and in her mind, she doesn’t have sex with just friends.
Until both parties are on the same page and have a clear understanding of what the expectation is, things will always fall apart. Unless we listen to understand each other and not just listen to respond we will never communicate effectively and always be misunderstood. We have to do better with being in the moment and repeating back to let each other know we are on the same page. Only then will we be able to take our friend relationships to the next level.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"