Intention vs. Impact
- cassiekarch
- 1 hour ago
- 2 min read
A few years ago, I learned a lesson I wish I’d learned earlier, one that still nudges me today every time I open my mouth with “helpful advice.”
It started with a conversation that, in my mind, was supposed to be supportive.
A friend of mine, someone I love like my sister, was going through burnout at work. She’d been carrying too much for too long, and the cracks were starting to show. When she finally opened up to me, I went straight into “fixer mode.” I rattled off ideas, solutions, strategies. I thought I was helping. Because that is what I do, HELP!
But halfway through my enthusiastic problem-solving, she went quiet. Not irritated… just withdrawn. This was different. The kind of quiet that tells you something missed the mark. The look on her face told me everything I should have known.
Later that night, she texted:
“Hey… I know you were trying to help, but I really just needed someone to listen.”
My stomach dropped. I felt embarrassed, even defensive at first. I wanted to say, But my intentions were good! I wanted her to know I cared. I wanted her to see me as supportive, not dismissive.
But the truth was sitting right in front of me:
My intention didn’t match my impact.
There is always a difference in what someone means versus what the other person felt.
I meant:
“I’m here for you.”
“I want to make this easier.”
“You’re not alone.”
She felt:
“I’m being talked at.”
“My feelings are being solved, not heard.”
“This is another thing I have to swallow.”
The realization stung—not because I was wrong, but because I had genuinely tried to be right.
Yes, I may have thought I was helping but in the end, I wasn't and that is what matter's the most. I called her the next day and told her I was sorry. She appreciated the apology. What she needed most in our conversation was a space for her to release, she needed me present and in the moment.
One thing to remember is people don't experience our intentions, they experience our actions.
Impact is what lands. Impact is what stays. Impact is what shapes our connections. When I acknowledge the impact, it doesn't cancel out my intention, but it honors the relationship.
I still catch myself slipping into fixer mode sometimes. But I try to pause now and ask more questions. I listen first and I check in.
Because what I have grown to learn is that intention ends, where awareness begins. And where awareness grows, so does our trust.
Good intentions do matter but the impact is what builds our trust!
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
Cassie K.
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"