When I am having a conversation in these social media streets and the topic of discussion is relationships people don’t believe me when I say I have never been in a real relationship. Especially when we are talking about a normal relationship. Their first response is always, but you have kids. And I will respond, just because I have children doesn’t mean I was in an actual relationship. It just means that I was having sex. When you add sex, it's extremely personal and intimate. It required a lot of trust in order for me to enter in with them. It's no surprise that my feelings changed and became attached. When I reflect back to these two relationships, I cannot remember a time when either of my kids' fathers asked me flat out if I would be their woman. Could it have happened, absolutely, but I can't recall. Yes, we were having sex and at that time, I put myself in a relationship but was I actually in one? When I think back to the way things were, I realize that it was always one-sided. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do in order to keep a man in my life, but it would never make him want to stick around for the long haul. We were young, dumb and full of cum, literally!
As a young person I was never taught that it matters who you have children with. I was never taught that a man needs to outright ask you to be his woman instead of you assuming. If you read my book Identity Cry-Sis, you will see that I did a lot of assuming while I was growing up and in these "so-called" dating streets. One thing I believe we as women need to stop doing is putting ourselves in automatic relationships. Just because a guy is being nice to you, buying you things, spending time with you, talking to you on the phone, or having sex with you does not mean you are his partner if he did not come out and ask you to be his woman. Now there are times that he may be doing these things because he cares for you and genuinely wants to be a part of your life. But if you two haven't sat down and had that hard conversation about commitment and what it means to the both of you, you can't assume. We all know what assuming does, it makes an ass out of you and me.
I understand what it feels like to want to be in a relationship. I remember about 5 years ago a man at my place of employment was being really nice to me and because I longed to have someone see me, I didn't recognize the signs that were right in front of my face. That particular man was being super nice and acting all interested because he wanted something from me. It wasn't long after that this same man forced himself on me and messed me up royally. I did not ask for it nor did I invite it, I don't think. Now he may have thought I did and that's why he did it, but I felt violated, nonetheless.
Make sure you know for a fact what type of relationship you are in so that you aren't caught by surprise. If we both decide that we are just having fun, then that’s exactly what we are doing, nothing more nothing less. Too many times we get caught up in our emotions and end up getting attached and in the end, we are hurt. Make sure you are fully aware of the situation, and that you have a clear understanding. When we communicate and clarify then there isn't any room for a misunderstanding.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
Cassie K.
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"