Being Wanted & Valued are not the same
- cassiekarch
- 10 minutes ago
- 3 min read
A few weeks ago, I was listening to a LIVE on social media, and a woman shared a story about a man she had dated for several months. By the time I heard her story, she had already made the decision to walk away.
But what she said resonated with me so much. This man had watched her from a distance before they ever became involved. He would respond to her stories, comment on her posts, and occasionally join her LIVE broadcasts when he had the time. He seemed fascinated by her.
He told her the things he would do for her. He talked about how he would treat her. He spoke about love, connection, and what their relationship could become. He even asked her, essentially, “how could I love you, if I were given the chance?”
Eventually, she gave him that chance. And in the beginning, he showed up exactly as he had presented himself. That representative was something else.
Then the shift happened. Her calls went unanswered and her messages went un-replied to. His promises stopped being fulfilled. The man who once had so much to say, suddenly had very little to give.
And yet, she stayed in the situation for months. Not necessarily because she didn't see what was happening, but because something about the connection had gotten into her consciousness. She couldn't seem to shake him.
Eventually, she had to tell him something that I believe many of us have needed to say—or hear—at some point in our lives: “You like the idea of me, but you don't seem to like the reality of me.”
And that statement hit me like tone of bricks, because I too have had to tell someone that in my past.
Because to be honest, some people don't actually fall in love with you. They fall in love with the idea of you. They fall in love with the version of you they created in their imagination.
They love pursuing you. They love talking about what they would do for you and to you. They love imagining the relationship. They love the potential.
But when the fantasy requires them to become consistent in real life, something changes. Because their fantasy doesn't require accountability, but our reality does.
In someone's fantasy, they can be everything you've ever wanted.
In reality, they have to actually show up. They have to communicate, follow through and keep their word. They have to make room for you. They have to be consistent even when the excitement wears off.
They have to love the whole person standing in front of them—not just the version of you that exists in their head.
And here's the part worth sitting with, ask yourself these questions.
Are you holding onto someone's potential while ignoring their pattern?
Are you listening to what they say they want to do while making excuses for what they repeatedly fail to do?
Are you attached to the person they were in the beginning—or the person they have consistently shown themselves to be?
Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is that the person who pursued you so intensely may be more committed to the idea of having you than the responsibility of actually loving you.
So take a moment and really reflect. Don't just listen to someone's words but pay attention to their patterns. Don't fall in love with promises, but watch what happens after its made.
And please don't confuse someone's desire for you with their capacity to love you well.
Because being wanted and being valued are not always the same thing.
And sometimes walking away isn't about giving up on someone. Sometimes it's about finally refusing to abandon yourself for the possibility of who someone might become. AND THAT'S ON PERIOD!
Sending you love, light and positive vibes!
Cassie K.
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"
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