Have you ever felt like something was missing? Like you weren’t whole? Have you ever felt less than? I have. My troubles started after my youngest daughter was born in 2000 but I wasn't aware of it until 2017. My menstrual cycle was on 1000. I was losing 2-3 cups of blood per month but didn’t know that was irregular. I was tired all the time and bruising very easily. When I discussed this at my annual appointments with my doctor, she didn’t seem concerned. I had my labs drawn and was prescribed a high dose of iron because I was anemic. Fast forward to 2021! I found a doctor who looked like me and discussed my issues and then examined my lower abdomen and felt something was off. Mind you, this is not the first time I had one of these exams, my prior doctor did them every year. She immediately ordered an ultrasound, and they discovered that I had multiple fibroids. One the size of a cantaloupe and another the size of large grapefruit. The fibroids were HUGE, and it was determined that I could have literally been 5 months pregnant. They scheduled me for a hysterectomy a couple of months later. On April 30, 2021, my life changed for the better, in theory. The surgery went well, though it took longer than expected because of the size and shape of the largest fibroid as well as the number of additional fibroids they found. There were 18 total, the smaller ones the size of plums. The doctor removed my uterus but left my ovaries.
Now I was left to heal. Although the bleeding had stopped and life was better, I felt as if something was wrong with me or that I was less than because I could no longer bare children. Now I had not planned to have any more children, but that was beside the point. Without my uterus, I didn't feel whole. The doctor took away my life-giving parts and I felt a type of way. I was aware this had to be done because my condition was lessening my quality of life, but this loss had me feeling depressed and crying a lot. I would say to myself, who is going to want me now? I am broken. But I was not broken, I was actually better than I had been in a long time. I had to fight the thoughts I was having in my head and change the way I looked at the situation. My mind was playing tricks on me, telling me that I was damaged goods. I had to renew my mind. Romans 12:2 says, do not pattern your life after this work, but let God transform you from the inside out and give you a new way of thinking. Then you will know what is good and pleasing to Him and what is not. I had to stop thinking of myself as less than and walk in my wholeness.
Maybe you too are struggling with feeling whole in your life. Maybe you had to part with something or someone. A life partner, a friend or you too had a major surgery removing a body part. I want to remind you that even with that missing piece you are completely whole. Just as Jesus said to the woman with the issue of blood in Matthew 9:22, I say to you, your faith has made you whole. Okay that marriage did not work, that friend left, or you had to have a toe amputated. YOU ARE WHOLE! Try to look at your situation through a new lens. It can be hard when you are going through it but once you make it to the other side and look back and reflect you will see that it is for the better.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
Cassie K.
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"