For a long time, I was so bothered when I attended weddings. You see I was my pastor’s personal assistant so whenever he officiated a wedding, I was the person of contact. I had to gather all the intricate details for the ceremony. I had to make sure the symbol of union was brought and ready, whether that was a unity rope, unity candle or unity sand, I made sure it was there.
No one knew this but every time I had to attend one of these weddings, I would be sick to my stomach. I would fall into a depression and cry out to God, why not me? Year after year I prepped and gathered items for these beautiful ceremonies while I was broken inside. I felt so unworthy and unloved but still showed up with a smile on my face and gave my all. Only God knew what I was going through, not even my pastor.
I always wanted to be married. I tried my best to make it work with my oldest kid’s father. I never thought he would marry me, but I at least thought he would stick around for the whole ride. But that wasn’t the case, it just wasn’t meant to be. I believe I was marriage material but just not for him and not at that time. Marriage is discussed a lot in ministry especially if a couple is seriously dating. But I was never a person who was dating so that was never a subject for me. But to be honest it was more about companionship and not just marriage.
2019 was the last wedding I assisted my pastor with. One of my closest friend’s sons got married and it was beautiful. I don’t know how it happened, but I can honestly say at that wedding I was good. No sadness, no frustrations, no asking God why. I had truly come to place of healing. And looking back now, it was probably because I met my friend Reggie. You see after that ceremony I drove to Seattle to meet a man I had been communicating with online and we formed a friendship. During that meeting we did discuss marriage and so many other things, I mean I had just come from a wedding. He told me his thoughts and I shared mine. We concluded that married or not we just wanted to have a companion who was just for me and I for him. I miss you Reggie! #KissesToTheSky
I am now at a point in my life that I am okay with being single. Would I like to have a companion? Heck yea! But that is not consuming me like it used too. I am okay with me. I enjoy my own company. And I know when and if that time comes and that man finds me, he will enjoy my company too. I have a lot of love, joy, and laughter to give.
So, with that being said I want to encourage you to spend quality time with yourself. But also get out into the world and meet people. You never know what type of relationships those meetings will turn in to.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
"Always remember to LIVE to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and LOVE unconditionally!"