Have you ever been talking to someone about something and then you realized you haven't heard a word they said. I believe this happens quite often, especially when the people listening aren't interested in what the other person is saying, or they aren't in a good space mentally. And instead of stopping the conversation right there and informing the other person that they aren't in a space where they can be present, they just sit there and act like they are listening when actually in reality they aren't. Why do we as humans do this? Why do we feel the need to put on a performance? Often times we are afraid of rejection, and we aren't sure how the other person will react to how we are feeling. If I can't show up for you in the way you need me to, I should be able to communicate that in the moment and you should give me grace and we can revisit the conversation later.
Communication as defined by the webster dictionary is the imparting or exchanging of information or news. When we are talking to each other we are exchanging information. But you have to be in a place to receive. You have to set your mind to pay attention to what is being said. You have to make sure you have cleared your mental bank so that it is open to hear and understand what is happening in real time.
Recently I was in a heated conversation with someone I care for. Now I say heated because during the course of the conversation yelling ensued. Therefore, it was a hot box of verbal baseball. We started to argue because the communication was bad. I wasn't hearing what they were saying and as I was trying to convey what I thought was being said, it made the discussion become heated. Sometimes when I am speaking to someone, I will internalize what they are saying when they are speaking in a generality. At times I will perceive them as attacking me and they are just trying to get their point across. They aren't talking about me per se, but they are speaking in general. And when I feel like I am being attacked, I will leave the conversation, or my mind will fill up with other thoughts and I won't be able to hear what that person is saying. Why am I like this? I have no clue. Sometimes, the truth hurts. And often times we can't handle the truth when it comes to something about us, especially if we aren't ready to learn and grow from it. James 1:19 in the bible states, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." The more patient and attentive we are to other people's needs and concerns, the better able we are to communicate with them.
So many times, we are not patient with each other which causes us to listen to respond instead of listening to understand. We aren't always being attacked when someone is voicing their concerns or opinions. Most times we have to take ourselves out of the equation and hear what the person is saying. Maybe you are like me and get in defense mode when communicating with certain people in your life. Once you recognize where you need to adjust, you can do the work and make the changes.
Here are some ways we can correct the breakdown in our communication with each other.
· Take responsibility for your mistakes. There is nothing worse than blaming others for our problems.
· Stop trying to fix everything at once and slow down.
· Keep unity in mind.
· Be patient with one another, because winning people is more important than winning arguments.
I hope you found this post helpful.
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"